Whodeani and Me
Guest post by Elahn Zetlin.
When Dean said he was going to revive his jokes.com.au website the first thing I could think of was “How can Hitler help?”
Hitler, for those of
you who don’t know, was a very funny man. He was also German, which is a huge
contradiction to him being funny. Most Germans are not funny. Take this short
joke - “Warum hat das Huhn die
Straße? Weil ich es gekickt.” A little giggle, but that’s all.
While most SS guards
were hired for their brutish chest
size and capability in absorbing bullets aimed at Adolf (Ado to his mates), the
furthest they ever got in entertaining him was the regular Wednesday night game
of strip twister. This was of course after a few shots of cherry schnapps. I
mean, you’re in a bunker being bombed to shit, what else are you going to play?
Backgammon? Come on.
Brainstorming was
never a problem for Ado (not to be confused with the Biggest Loser winner). He
was most capable of instant brain farts and trains of thought unheard of by the
best comedians. His writings for
the Berlin version of Mad magazine “Madder” were warmly received along with his
stand-up routines at the Shultz Lounge. He was of course able to choose from
his pick of comedy groupies lining up at his change room after the gigs. This
is where he met Eva Braun, the then cynical lesbian poet. Unfortunately her
poems were funnier than angry, and she quickly gave up for Ado.
Later, in his memoirs,
“Mein Komedy,” he would say being with Eva was like high school all over. She
would go smoke in the girls toilets and he would have long hot showers with the
boys after gym class. I honestly don’t get this but I’m sure it’s a German
“thing”.
So it came to be that
I would revive jokes.com.au with the help of Ado, or Hitlo, or Ads, Hit That or
The Drude. Thanks to a popular online meme taken from the film “Downfall”,
which shows the last few days of Hitz in the bunker, I was able to quite
literally make Dean wet his pants laughing. Score for me. The video - , was made simply by editing new sub-titles over a particular scene. Numerous
others online have used the same scene.
Everything from
real estate - ,
Adam Sandler movies - ,
and even problems with
Windows Vista - .
The wonder of modern
“do it at home” editing applications and DVD ripping software now allow any of
us to make Dean wet his pants. A lot try, a few do. If only it were an Olympic
sport and I was the team mascot. I’d be a giant ball of belly-button lint
called Linto.
Jokes.com.au, he told
me, will be a beacon for all to come to when the darkness of night falls. All
those thirsty for a 2am pick me up, after getting some “munchies” after a
session of bong hitting. All those teeny–whatsit Y-Gen-ers hoping to impress
their MySpace friends with the latest viral video of a cute fucking kitten. All
those Nigerian scammers bored while waiting for some decent replies that don’t
ask them to perform the Dead Parrot Sketch from Monty Python in exchange for
some money.
Plus I could finally
see a way of getting paid for doing what I do anyway.
Over the years I’ve
managed many attempts at making Dean wet himself. A lot of the time this was by
photoshopping images with him in it –
With me in it –
... and me again (tastefully in the background).
And with his friends –
Thus my acceptance in
helping Dean help many other people wet their pants looking at jokes.com.au’s
pages of funny shtuff. (not a typo)
The logo, I told Dean,
needed to be refreshed. We should get a new design. Agreed, he said. We then
proceeded to overlook locally brilliant and expensive designers for the
underrated brilliant and cheap stock of the world wide web via crowd sourcing
site 99designs.com. Here we started a competition for a new logo design (see it
here – http://99designs.com/contests/20909)
In a world becoming
smaller and smaller, competition for work is becoming fiercer. That makes it
easier for us to offer a prize of $150 US and not feel bad about it. It’s not
like we’re getting a logo designed by a child labourer from India. I mean, to
be a good Illustrator designer you’d have to be at least 12, the age Indian
kids are married and old enough to bet on the cock fights (Have I gone too far?
Send your complaints to Whodeani on Twitter.)
So my new job starts
now.
It may mean long days locked in my bedroom with the blinds pulled down,
surfing the net for hilarious content, feet up on the desk, not getting out of
my pyjamas, yet finally getting the respect of my industry peers, fellow
webmasters, Oprah, Ashton and of course the hot chicks and VIP treatment at
computer swap meets one expects from running a jokes portal. I put all my
confidence and trust in Deano, or Whodeani, or Deanski, or The Dood. He’s never let me down
and I intend to never let him down either. I just look forward to many more
opportunities in making him wet his pants.
Elahn Zetlin.
Comments [0]